When I was asked to choose a value that is important to me at a training I attended last month, I surprised myself. I use values frequently in my own facilitation so I had responded to prompts like this many times before. But I had never selected – or even really considered – intuition, yet that is what I selected in this moment.
Intuition has felt more and more important to me in my life as I have grown as a conflict practitioner, as I have grown as a parent, and as a general principle for trying to live restoratively. In some ways, intuition runs counter to my predisposition for plans and predictability. And an earlier self would not have even known what I was intuiting, much less been willing to trust such an intuition. So, it is a bit of a wonder, though a welcome one, that it now plays a vital role in my life.
This time of year, rife with resolutions and goal-setting, is when I find it coming through most strongly. In recent years I have resisted the push to set new year’s resolutions, despite aspiring to be reflective and intentional in my life. This quote from systems thinking teacher, Peter Senge, captures this tension well: “People don’t resist change. They resist being changed.” While this seems to point to the difference between an external force and an internal desire to change, I wonder if it might also apply to the different ways we engage in change individually. Setting a resolution feels like I’m trying to change myself, but noticing and responding to the ways I am already changing, feels quite different.
It is in that spirit that I am doing my own version of new year’s resolutions – or new year’s intuiting may be more precise. I am looking back on the last year and what felt right in the rhythms of my days, in the projects I took on, in the skills I employed, in my relationships – as well as what didn’t feel right. Using this self-knowledge, I’m noting intentions to help align those instincts with my choices in the coming year.
This may feel like a potayto, potahto instance to you, calling the same thing by a new name. You may love traditional new year goal-setting or hate anything resembling it. But if some aspect of the distinction I’m describing resonates for you (or even if it doesn’t), you might be interested in these reflection prompts, an adapted version of a list I co-developed with my friend and collaborator, Anne Hilb, of Graymake, LLC:
1. Flow
a. What was it like when you had days that felt like they had the right “flow” or rhythm? How would you contrast those to days that didn’t feel that way?
b. What intentions do you have for how you set up your days in the coming year?
2. Skills
a. What skills were sharpened last year that supported you personally and/or professionally?
b. What are the top 1-3 skills you hope to develop further in the coming year to support your personal and/or professional growth?
3. Impact
a. What projects were you involved in that felt most impactful on a gut level? What do you attribute that to?
b. What projects were you involved in that felt more empty or misaligned? What do you attribute that to?
c. What kind of impact do you hope to have with the communities you are part of and/or work with? What do you think will help you achieve that?
4. Relationships
a. Which key relationships, personal or professional, most encouraged you to live in a way that reflects your core values? Which, if any, did not?
b. What does that urge you to keep or shift about your key relationships in the coming year?
5. Polarities
a. Which of these polarities* felt most relevant in this last year? What did you notice about how you navigated those polarities?
Long-Term…………………………Short-Term
Spontaneous………………………..Self-Disciplined
Tentative…………………………... Bold
Realism……………………………..Idealism
Consistency………………………...Adaptability
Confidence. ………………………..Humility
Grounded…………………………..Visionary
Analytical…………………………...Creative
Go fast to perform…………………Go slow to prepare
b. What polarities are you interested in exploring or bringing into greater balance in the coming year?
Intuition is not a magical, defined thing. In my mind, it is a practice and, like any practice, it takes repetition, experimentation, and effort to hone. It is not infallible or immune to blind spots and biases. But, all this being said, it has the potential to aid us in personal and collective change, the kind many of us strive for as a new year rolls around.
* Polarities are not opposites which we must choose between, but interdependent pairs with which we can aim to maximize the benefits of both. See my earlier reflection for more!